2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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