Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
