I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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