When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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