I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
