marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
