When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
