??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
