my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
