the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
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I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
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Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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