haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
