that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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