Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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