According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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