Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
