he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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