I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
