Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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