I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She's the barista slut.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
