Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
