i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
