were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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