her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain