they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
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i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night