i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...