I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT