im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
