I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
