put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
