I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
His hands were made for my vagina.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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