you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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