We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
