do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
