Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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