I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
