omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
