I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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