You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
