I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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