I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
