i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
