i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
