she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
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There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
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You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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