Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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