yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
