I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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