so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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