I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have aggressive nipples.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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