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TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
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