I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind