She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.