I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
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Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
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"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about