Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
