don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.