How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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