Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
