she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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