Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
