Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So many bounce houses so little time
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
