im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Randomize
