i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
