the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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