What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
