Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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