by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
