You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
