having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
