If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
