I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
