Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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