kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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