his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
