Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize