We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
