I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
