For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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