i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
