I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
