McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
