The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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