ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
