we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
