I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
