So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
this will be a night to untag.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
