Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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