So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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