how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
