Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
