I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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