so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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